This post is dedicated to Nadeem F. Paracha.

[Photo by ‘Life Church Burnley’ on Flickr: “shoorkot road toba tek singh love this place but need much improvement”]

So on Facebook I saw a fellow Punjabi who lives in vilayat has listed his hometown as Toba Tek Singh, Pakistan, which I thought was very cool. Why didn’t I get this idea? Never mind, I thought, like all good ideas this must be stolen. My hometown on Facebook now is also Toba Tek Singh, Pakistan. It was only much after going mad over Manto’s story did I discover that Toba Tek Singh was a real place in west Punjab. Always wondered what its people thought about the story.

LMAO, said a Facebook friend from Isloo, in a private message. Do you know, he said, that Toba Tek Singh the real place in Pakistan is full of painDoo Jutts who are the butt of all jokes?

And I thought I was being profound by claiming to hail from Toba Tek Singh. (Better revert to Lahore now, whose resident I would have been had Radcliffe not drawn that line.)

So I asked my Isloo friend to give me a sample of painDoo jokes. His reply:

Toba Tek Singh is known for its painDoo people… that is to say people who are absolutely hilarious if they come to urban centres like Lahore. They’re known for being the worst mixture of rural and urban characteristics… but in most jokes lately, Faisalabadi people have replaced Toba Tek Singh.(After all Faisalabad has the country’s highest urbanisation rate!)

Sorry, but i’m not very good at telling jokes. But you’ll understand: Toba Tek Singh people would speak an intense form of that Punjabi-English “Puttar, see, today humm ne Hen ki boti pakai hai”. They also wear the most ABSURD clothes in the world! AND are dead conscious about brands – especially the cliched ones.

I’ll copy a joke I received recently

You can tell a man is from Toba Tek Singh if he:

1. Wears sunglasses at night, and tells anyone he finds that the glasses are from Amreeka.

2. Comes to a funeral in a shocking pink kameez with golden karhai on it.

3. Wears enough perfume to drown a normal person, and STILL stinks.

4. Owns a red coloured Pajero with a sticker at the back saying “Jutt is dA mAN!!!”

5. Tries to pull off farts as burps.

6. Travels to the 10th floor and back several times at the City Mall, just to ‘experience’ the elevator.

7. Has 10 times more food in his plate than he requires.

8. Desperately tries to get the phone number of the waitress, and is flattered when she asks him ‘what he’d like to have for dinner’.

9. Is mesmerized by urban lifestyle when he beholds the toilet seat.

10. Is disgusted by the use of toilet showers instead of a lota.

11. Can be heard a mile away when he gargles.

12. Leaves any toilet he sets his eyes upon unfit for human usage.

And there is an older one about why the Jatt failed his English exam: because of translation:

1. Main aik Aam Admi hoon. (I am a Mango man).

2. Mujhe English Aati hai. (English comes to me).

3. Haripur Hazara Sarhad mein hai. (Green Pur Thousanda is inside border)

4. Sarak per Goliyan chal rahi hain. (Tablets are walking on the road) :P

Not that i find many of these jokes funny. But the image of the Toba Tekites is somehow one that makes you laugh. This link will show you excerpts from a recent (not so successful) TV drama which features “Saima Chaudhry” who is from Toba Tek Singh but settled and married in Faisalabad.

Saima Choudhry’s character is so typical of that region. I’d try to find the earlier episodes in which we find out that she’s gone to her maika in Toba Tek Singh

(Hope you didn’t waste more than a minute on that video – Pakistan’s catching up with Ekta Kapoor.)

[December 2009 photo by ‘UK in Pakistan’ on Flickr: “Children from Saint Peter High School, Toba Tek Singh, presenting a tableau during one day seminar on human rights. Pakistan”]

Grateful to my friend for such invaluable cultural knowledge which can come only by living in a country (somebody should compile email chains country-by-country), I was soon to be challenged. I bumped into another Pakistani on Facebook who lives in Lahore but is from Toba Tek Singh. Subhanallah! I thought, Manto sahab mil gaye! :)

I asked my Toba Tekite friend if he was Jutt, because I’m told TTS is full of Jutts who are the butt of painDoo jokes. He was almost offended.

This is how the conversation went:

Me: are you really from toba tek singh?

Him: Yes, i am REALLY from toba tek singh. You know the place?

Me: wow. i know the short story by manto, and long to see the place

Him: Ahan! Toba tek singh is a small clean city in punjab, near to jhang (heer ranjha fame). Named after a sikh tek singh, Toba tek singh has a history… The people here resisted the change of name of city… as one military dictator (dicktaker) wanted to give it an islamic name. It was some centuries back… Tek singh was a humanist who owned a source of water in this area and that small pound of water was called toba…passengers from distant lands used to stay here n had water from tek singh ka toba (for free)…hence the name.

Me: interesting! when did a dicktator want to change the name?

Him: Some where in 60s…field marshal ayub khan.

Me: i gather there are a lot of painDoo jokes about people from toba tek singh? :) have you read the Manto story?

Him: yes, i have… just read in ur info…you are from from toba tek singh…..??

Me: toba tek singh as in no man’s land. my grandparents were from multan and lahore

Me again: i gather there are a lot of painDoo jokes about people from toba tek singh? :)

Him: wt r those? tell ne??? do i look painDoo ne way?

*

He was Arrain, and said TTS was full of Arains, and I soon got some thorough education on the Arain people.

The matter came up again, this time not in private messages but on a Facebook group with vela people from both sides of the border out to make peace.

Him: Toba tek singh is not full of jutts. there are people from persian origin called arrain…Toba is full of arrains…and i am arrain as well…

Enter Jat Boy, a Hindu Jat boy from Delhi, Jat from Haryana rather than Jutt from Punjab, and who is a Pakophile because he traces his gotra roots to ‘Dera Ghoz Khan’

Jat Boy: Nice to Know that .. Can tell more about Arains? Is it someway related or Aryans? BTW a theory says all Jatts migrated from Persia

Me (Khatri Boy): All Jatts migrated from everywhere in the world. And they’re on world domination plan again :)

Him (the Arain Toba Tekite): Arains are said to either migrated from persia or they had come with Muhammad bin qasim n hence have an arabic origin…Nt related 2 aryans, i guess.

Jat Boy: Shivam .. Canada for sure .. lol

Arain Boy: Punjab main araain aur jut ki bohat dushmani chalti rehti hay…on land disputes…they r rivals…arrain call jutts brainless, paindu n aqal se paidal while jutts call arrain selfish, opertunists, etc etc

Me: jaton ki kisse ladyai nahi chalti? :p <bachao>

Arain Boy: true that :p

Jat Boy: Yeah Dude.. Jatts in true are brainless people and fighting not only with other community but themselves too. Khair coming back to Arians, I guess mentor of Saint Bulleh Shah was also Arian?? I read his poetry where his Sister wanted him to be away from his mentor because he was Arian and Bulley Shah was from different caste?? Am I right? I am just trying to link .. I am not any Pro here… Enter ZHF, Zaid Hamid Fan, a fundoo Pakistani who’s consistently been a pain on this group:

Zaid Hamid Fan (ZHF): I got what you meant by Jatt, it just took a while to click after your initial mention. We have Muslim Jatts too, like people with the last name Dhaliwal. Now I wonder if Sindhi people still retain their caste distinctions. I know the Balochis and Pashtoons do not have caste distinctions since they aren’t indic peoples.

Jat Boy: Jatt is Jatt be it Muslim Sikh or Hindu .. Its a Race not a caste like in pashtoon or balocch. Jatt are not area bounded like them .. Hope u know difference between two.. Jatt will be always proud of his Race even if Muslim.. You can get that from movies like Maula Jatt and songs of Abrar ul haq to name a few!!

ZHF: Rotfl. I said Pashtoons and Balochis do not have caste distinctions since they aren’t indo-aryan and/or indic peoples and you reply “Its a Race not a caste like in pashtoon or balocch”. Maybe you got that backwards? Maybe Pashtoon and Balochi are the race, and Jatt is a caste? :p

Jat Boy: Lol.. Dude.. You know nothing about it th then :P ..Jatt is a Race or tribe .. Pashtoon and Baloch are more like geographical identity and caste .. And moreover .. We Jatt are not Aryans either :P .. Hope u read history

ZHF: You need that ignorant one :) Pashtoon and Balochi are ethno-linguistic identities. To call an ethnicity that has its own language “a caste” is outrageous :P A caste of what? No wonder you claim “jatt” which simply means ignorant/uneducated in Urdu is a race, when in fact its actually a caste of panjabi people.

Jat Boy: Jatt is Jahil in urdu.. Better not speak this in front of any Jatt in Pakistan !!

Jat Boy again: Nor u should say him.. Jatt is just a caste .. My advice to you

ZHF: I’ve met many Pakistani Jatts. I don’t need to point this out to them, they speak Urdu and Panjabi just fine. “Jahil” though it means the same thing, is an Arabic word. The real word for ignorant in both Urdu and Panjabi is, Jatt.

Jat Boy: Yeah.. NOW JAHIL LOOKS APT WORD FOR U AFTER LOOKING AT YOU IGNORANCE .. MY DEAR CONSPIRACY THEORIST

ZHF: Lmao. Jatt is an indo-aryan word right out of your own language. I’m not making this up. You speak Urdu and Panjabi so I’m sure you know this. Its not a conspiracy theory, its reality. You are the ignorant one for accepting this word to be used upon yourself. I tell Balochi people the exact same thing. Ba-looch in persian means “jahil/ignorant”. However the Balochis originally referred to themselves as Maka and to their country (which is an iranian country) as Makran (which is still a place in balochistan). So how am I “ignorant” for pointing these realities out? You’re the one who is ignorant for stating that ethno-linguisitc identities are actually “castes”. That’s just nutty.

Jat Boy: U proved urself jahil when u said Jatt is a caste !! secondly for u all except u is jahil .. be it jatt or baloch.. whats ur caste??

ZHF: he caste system originates in hinduism ignoramus. How on earth would I have a caste? Eesh you’re really going off the hindu nationalist deep end now.

*

The conversation thus ended, thankfully. Do all conversations between Indian and Pakistanis have to end with animosity? Manto said, “Opad di gud gud di moong di dal di laltain di Hindustan te Pakistan di dur fitey munh.”

*

Here’s an earlier post on similar lines: Your Dera Ghazi Khan and Mine. Also read the insightful comments there.