The pressing, in fact the overpowering need to keep people perpetually agog with false excitement, generated by the fear of impending doom, played out in all its gory details over the last three days across the gossip channels that go in the name of News Channels and Glamour sheets that try to pass of as Newspapers.

26^th January had come and gone, Sarkozy had come and gone without giving us the nuclear fuel that would have overnight made the greatest democracy into the second or third or fourth or the nth most happening country in the world.

Despite this letdown these were exciting days, what with previews of our armed might and breathless speculation on whether Sarkozy was going to be accompanied by, you know who, or not. The mandarins of the external affairs ministry, (we were told by usually informed sources, who did not as usual want to be named) were worried sick trying to work out seating arrangements for either eventuality and did not know what might or might not happen. Where will she be placed if she came? Will the president of the republic accord her the honour of the first lady or not? Once it was disclosed that Sarkozy will not be accompanied, the speculators shifted their attention to betting their Sunday hats on whether Sarkozy will sulk in his room when not meeting the high and mighty or will he make the trip to the monument of love.

There was so much happening, the news hounds were inundated with scoops and invitations to cocktails and then all of a sudden all colour seemed to have drained out of our lives. Nothing at all was happening anywhere. Even Amitabh Bachchan and family had not done anything that could merit the first or the third page. No one had hurled a racial abuse at anybody and so no readers survey’s could be conducted. It all seemed so pointless and then suddenly out of the cold blue skies news came that the temperature was going to drop.

That is what everyone was waiting for with bated breath. Imagine Delhi will touch Zero! Zero Degrees Celsius!! Freezing Point!!!

Here was news. News that provided ground to spread panic, to bring excitement in the lives of those who have no idea of what freezing to death means. To provide the chatterati with an occasion to talk nonstop about the weather just as they do back home.

Panic buttons were pressed, there was speculation about the taps freezing over, some one carried a story about the possibility of snowfall. SNOWFALL IN DELHI?, next day there was another story SNOWFALL IN DELHI! Not likely says weatherman. Or some thing to that effect.

No one, repeat NO ONE bothered to inform anybody that the lowest temperature in a 24 hour cycle normally occurs not at midnight but between 4 and 5 am. Just as the hottest time of the day, normally, occurs not at noon but between 2 and 3 pm.

All those who were so agitated about this impending calamity would by and large be, by this time, ensconced under their duvets (they have never used Razais) inside their centrally heated bed chambers and those who were not would be busy partying and will not know the difference.

The zero temperature would have had a bearing on the lives of those who have to hide under the flyovers, culverts, buildings under construction, in medieval ruins or under the open skies trying to draw comfort from burning rags or the heat radiating from dying tandoors of dhabas fighting for space with stray dogs who are as miserable as them.

Incidentally not one of these, hysterically breathless newscasters and learned correspondents bothered to inform any body, not that any body appeared to be interested in finding out, that the temperature, humidity and rainfall figures given out for Delhi are based on the temperature, humidity and rainfall recorded at Safdarjung and are not true for the city as a whole but only a general indication of prevailing weather conditions.

The other place where these reading are taken is at Palam but since the Willingdon Airport (now the defunct Safdarjung Airport) was the first Airport at Delhi and these records were kept for determining whether the conditions were right for the planes to take off, the practice of treating these readings as the figures for Delhi has continued.

The fact that Delhi has expanded phenomenally since the time the airport was built in 1930s and the fact that regardless of what Palam or Safdarjung show there are places that are much warmer or colder is something that no one seemed to know or care about.

Of the hundreds of primetime news hours and thousands of column centimetres that fought to capture eyeballs with this breaking news, there was not one that mentioned the sufferings of the homeless, the street dwellers and the destitute. Where was the need? They were not going to buy the designer woollens and wraps that were selling in all the malls at 50% + 30% discount.

The city that counts was gripped by panic. The government that cares for its people called Bhaagidaari meetings, the Directorate of Education met, Principals were telephonically informed, Newspapers carried banner headlines about the danger to children being exposed to arctic like weather. Schools closed down, working parents with no backup and small school going children ran like a certain bird that had created all manner of problems for a senior Indian diplomat not too long ago. Those with means took off for long weekends in the middle of the week, revenue for the 24X7 channels rose as temperatures fells and panic grew. All this while the sun continued to shine brightly, the chilly winds that were supposed to further aggravate the cold through the wind chill factor forgot to keep their date with the NCR D-Day came and went away.

We now hold our breath in anticipation for the next Armageddon. Life has become unexciting and boring once again. Nothing exciting ever happens here. Oh Gawd I am so Bored.