Good morning, Good evening, to people across the globe. In our attempt to cater to our world wide audience at Kafila; we have decided – in collaboration with several heavily funded political lobbyists – to bring you a semi-realtime commentary on the first and only vice presidential debate in what promises to be the USA’s most interesting election since – like ever.

Much has been written about Sarah Palin – especially since her somewhat surprising comments on a whole variety issues – most recently her interviews with Katie Couric of CBS news. You can access two parts here and here.  Much was also made of her famous “We can see Russia from Alaska” comment.

For those supporting Biden – obama’s running mate – advice from the experts is “DO NOT BE SEXIST” ; for Palin supporters, the advice is much simpler “DO NOT PROMISE TO INVADE RUSSIA.”  Much has been made of Palin’s debating skills – her ability to disarm her opponents and wow her audience with her red well  cut suits.  As for biden, much has been made of the fact that he has been around since – like ever.

The debate shall be moderated by Gwen Iffill – a choice that Republicans are unhappy with because they say she is writing a book on black politicans. Good Golly Miss Molly – this is just not done.

So its 10 minutes to go for the debate … hang in there folks – Vice Presidential action coming your way…….

UPDATE 1: So CNN has got these “testers” for the live audience – they are divided as “men” and “women”( how did they think of that?) who are chosen b/w republicans democrats and independents – and they have these really cool looking boxes with dials allowing them so respond instantly to the candidates – turning them lef tor right of centre – with corresponds to these lines that look like ecg monitors – and corresponds to positive and negative.  So we always know what the carefully selected “men” and “women” in the audience are thinking.  This is soo exciting .. oh my god oh my god .. be still my beating heart.

UPDATE 2100 hrs New York Time:  AND SO IT BEGINS – okay so topics – domestic and foreign policy matters – each candidate has 90 seconds to make comments followed by 2 minutes for witty interruptions.  The questions are SECRETS…….

So Palin in jet black not red- rather elegant i must say- Biden looks distinguished as well .. who says she’s the only one with well cut suits… “Can I call you Joe?” she asks Biden….

Question 1″ Biden first – Bailout – was it the worst of Washington or the best of Washington?

Joe (since we can call him Joe too) – Okay so bad economic policy no regulation wall street run wild yada yada yada .. it seems like both candidates have decided to follow from their running mates and not answer any questions – but just stay the course ….

Palin ( we wont call her Sarah): KID SOCCER GAME? Go to a kid soccer game and ask the people what they think of the economy … thats what she said…. more importantly she says “We NEED REFORM – Just like McCain wants it ..” oh so she claims that john McCain had warned this would happen. Country Firrst she says!

UPDATE 3 – 10 minutes on: Joe now brings up the fact that he’s worked on violence against women …. wow he isnt sexist yet … brings up the fact that McCain said that the fundamentals of the economy was strong .. which he did ..”Does make John McCain a bad guy. Just Proves that he’s out of touch.”

Palin : “The American workforce is the greatest in the world.” giggles in the audience – not in the studio at the party

Okay shes said it 10 minutes on she has said John McCain is a Maverick and that Joe Biden is OLD.

Ifill points out that no one answered the questions….

Sub prime crisis:

Palin blames greed corruption on wall street … now shes asking American people – ie Joe Six pack and Hockey moms  – to say never again .!!! So shes said maverick, hockey mom and soccer mom in the first 10 minutes ..  whats she going to say now ? keep reading …

UPDATE 4: So Biden – I am sorry – is just plain boring …maybe he’s trying to be statesman like – is bringing up the fact that McCain is a free market fanatic … the ECG at the bottom says men support Biden .. the women are unsure about him .. but they seem to love Palin ….

Palin says “Darn Right we need tax cuts.” Shes so southern  … i think I’ll just load up my pick up with a six pack of beer and pizza and pack my guns and vote republican ….

Palin is being rather restrained though .. both candidates have been prepped to “stay on the message”….

now Biden and Palin are quibbling about tax increases – who asked for more and when and why …

Palin has flat out refused to answer questions stating “I might not answer the questions posed by Joe or the moderator – but I’m just going to talk straight to the American People.” She natters on about her record in Alaska before the moderator cuts her off … the audience is unimpressed …

UPDATE 5: The audience is warming up to Joe – they seem to appreciate his understated polite self – Palin is coming across as combative  – her trademark snigger is back … watch this space to see if it develops into a full grown sneer.

Palin on increasing taxes- “Patriotic is saying government your not the solution and much too often you are the problem” so get the government out of the way .. more free markets is what she wants …. “Consider healthcare being taken over by the government” she says sarcastically -” Do we want the government to run healthcare.”

Biden is now bringing up his own working class routes – damn right – today’s wall street journal says he’s the least wealthy guy in the house … He’s pointing out that the McCain plan on healthcare actually taxes healthcare  which Biden claims will drop 20 million people .. he has called McCain’s health care plan “The Ultimate Bridge to Nowhere” – nice sharp elbow there Joe.

I was wrong .. I’m sorry – the indicator says that the women are more pro Joe than the men are – got the color mixed .. sorry yaar … the men are in green – the women in orange ….

Palin brings in the energy plan – and claims Obama supports big oil – Biden gives her a winning smile .. Palin now claims to be anti-big oil .. she’s talking about Alaska again … god help us …

UPDATE 6: Palin admits “There isn’t a whole lot that I have promised except for doing the best for American people.” Her policy portfolio runneth over …

Biden runs a dangerous line- he admits that Palin’s policy with oil companies in Alaska has worked – but it might work out cos in the last debate, the “American people” actually gave credit to Obama for acknowledging McCain’s record.

Palin said “revelation” – will she say rapture next?

Now both candidates are rambling on about bi-partisanship .. vigilance and other boring stuff… come’on folks where’s the action?

More waffle on the economy – neither side can say very much – cos both the democrats and republicans messed up …

But Palin once more has declared her intention to not answer the question… choosing to  talk about energy and foreign countries instead of focusing on the economy.  Its a really interesting strategy to state “I want to return to my record on energy” when she has been asked about taxes.

OKAY CLIMATE CHANGE – its a big issue cos Palin has – in the past – refused to acknowledge that climate change is anthropogenic…

Palin: As the nations only arctic state – she concedes that its real – but says that its about cyclical seasonal changes  “I don’t want to argue about the causes .. i want to argue about cleaning up the planet.” She frankly sounds like and idiot on this.  She has a big problem with polar bears though – read about it here

Biden smartly points out that “you cant talk about solutions without going to the causes .. and it is clear that the causes ARE man made.” One point to Biden.

Palin says “The Chant is drill baby drill and that’s what we hear all across the country” she salivates as she talks about the billions of barrels of oil under Alaskan ice caps … she just called Joe “Senator O Biden” ….

Biden says “look at my record” – “Look at my record” has to be the most over-used phrase so far .. its the easiest way to avoid any tough question….

okay a range of hot button issues:

Update: SAME SEX MARRIAGE

Palin – is against the redefinition of the “traditional definition of marriage” – but promises to be “tolerant” – her words folks – not mine .. she has also said in an interview – “one of my best friends is a lesbian … she isn’t my lesbian friend .. she is my best friend.”

okay Biden says “We don’t support “gay marriage” – we feel that that is left to the various faiths” – safe answer politically – but certainly not courageous …

UPDATE: Iraq and the surge

They both have sons in Iraq – so they are level on that level …

Palin: “We have got to win in Iraq” “The surge has worked” “grow the military” “We are closer and closer to victory.” but no plan.

Biden – we need a timeline and shift the power to the Iraqis .. let the Iraqis take control .. for John McCain there is no end in sight “Fundamental difference … we will end this war”

Palin: Your plan is a white flag of surrender .. that is not what the American troops in Iraq need to hear ….she claims Obama voted to cut funds to the troops – which is a half truth that the republicans have been peddling to anyone who would listen … the truth is actually that both McCain and Obama vetoed a plan each – one that had a time line – which McCain vetoed – and one with a timeline – which Obama vetoed – Biden points that out …

UPDATE: Who is more dangerous – Iran or Pakistan

a leading question that .. how about – who’s more dangerous, America or America?

Biden is hawkish on Pakistan … “thats where bin laden lives” he says “and we will go for him if we have in him in our sights.”

Palin: Israel is in jeopardy … she repeats ahmadinejads “stinking corpse” on Israel

“Dictators hate America and our freedoms” she says when asked if she will engage with Iran  …puts in a bit of southernism – “you need your allies to back ye up there” ….

Biden – says we need to “talk, talk, talk” with the adversary -=”look what bush did – after 5 years he finally sent a high ranking diplomat to talk to a high ranking diplomat of Iran”

John Mccain recently said he would nt sit down with the government of spain – they are our allies in Iraq – points out Biden .. the audience gets a laugh on that … Palin looks somewhat embarrassed …

UPDATE:

Plain “forge ahead” “McCain” “Maverick” “Change” “Respect” “Learn from mistakes” “Maverick”

Biden goes on the attack: “McCain’s __________  policies are like Bushes”, “McCain’s __________  policies are like Bushes”, “McCain’s __________  policies are like Bushes”, “McCain’s __________  policies are like Bushes”, “McCain’s __________  policies are like Bushes” – fill in with healthcare foreign policy economy etc etc

hmm.. Palin pronounces nuclear a lot like an indian – Noo Ke ee Lear .. is how she says it .. sort of like what you would hear on the bus in saddi dilli – bhai humara noo kee lear plan mein kya ho raha hai …

Palin on Afghanistan – yup – you got it … “We are WINNING”

Biden comes up with figures – 3 weeks of iraq spending equals 6 and half years of spending in Afghanistan … he pronounces nuclear – nuu clear … makes it sound like a acne removal cream – its nuu and its clear ..

One hour on – Palin seems to have annoyed the audience somewhat .. Biden has refrained from being patronising … half an hour more Joe – hang in there … Palin is looking slightly flustered as well – is getting somewhat shrill .. the snigger i had pointed out earlier .. is now a half sneer ….

Palin hits back – points out that Biden supported the Iraq war and is now against it … “America is craving straight talk” she says  … caught him there – got to give her whats due … the audience liked that .. she does well when she plays it straight …

Biden is skating on thin ice on intervention .. he is a well known interventionist … is talking the last line of the caught out politician – you guessed it “look at my record” he implores … it appears you can at joebiden.com

Palin is really got him on the mat – “tomorrow morning we will know who said what.” but bizarrely says “McCain knows how to win a war.” How? Because he went to Vietnam? My sub-continental school taught me that the Americans lost that one … but i guess they see it differently here …

UPDATE Number whatever – I’ve lost track

Palin “Average working class folk in Wasilla …Government just get out of the way.. and win the war”

Biden brings up the small town he went to – I’ve forgotten the wall – walk with me in my neighbour he challenges … so we’re playing “my town is more real than your town…”

Palin gets more southern “doggone there you go again Joe … pointing fingers back again…” WHAT was that – I’m sorry folks .. I cant reproduce that .. its an hour and 13 minutes into the debate – so do look at it .. its on education … its was the most blatant attempt at reaching out to the red necks . .. i sorry .. but i just cant reproduce it .. i;ll try and find the clip .. anyway .. moving on …

Plain brings up special needs … I cant wait to get there and work with ya on special needs she says of McCain …

Biden – goes back to what “Barack” thinks .. some stuff on how he has a record of getting things done …but basically waffle – he hasn’t said anything at all in this question … BORING …..

So I finally figured out – yes i am slow – i saw this coming – everyone did – but i didn’t think it would be such a perfect fit – Biden steals McCain’s lines and Palin steals Obama .. no wonder this debate is going no where … MAVERICK … it feels so good to say it I;m going to say it again – MAVERICK MAVERICK MAVERICK … yeah DRILL BABY DRILL … MAVERICK …. DRILLING MAVERICK …

but hey spare a thought for the original maverick guys …we dug up this photo from our archives

oops … sorry folks – wrong photo – this is the one:

“Vice President Cheney has been the most dangerous Vice President in the history of the united states,” says Biden ..”he should understand that.” more bollocks on what the constitution says about the vice president … but the audience likes it ….

Biden gives us an impassioned speech on his family – we love it

Palin falls back on her favourite phrase “MAVERICK” she says licking her lips … MAVERICK she says again .. i swear … she said it twice in 30 seconds … “HE is the man we need to leave” she stumbles .. sorry “LEAD” she corrects  … hahaha . .. she is rattled by Biden’s speech on the family – it was a master piece .. actually sincere … he’s negated Palin’s supermom card …

Biden finally calls its – maverick – lets talk about it he says … he has not been a maverick on healthcare on education or on tax cuts for middle class works .. he has not been a maverick on the war .. he has not been a maverick on anything that people talk about around the kitchen table .. he ricked that one .. good call Biden …

Last question – give an example of bipartisan ship

Bollocks all around … crappy boring speech … they both want to bring both sides together ….boring boring .. Palin throws in a snide one about walk the walk as opposed to talk the talk … she certainly doesn’t sound bipartisan .. atleast Biden tried to sound bipartisan …

Closing Statement

Plain first

Its an honour for me ..l great o meet you Joe … i like to be able to answer these tough questions without the filter of the mainstream media – ya ya – just cos you fucked up in your interviews – we are going to fight for the middle class …. we are so blessed to live in America … we need to fight for our freedom …. we have to fight for it – protect it and hand it to them so they can do the same …. or we will tell our children s children s about a time when America was free – what ?

Biden – last eight years – deep hole – economy – creditability – need for fundamental change … we measure progress  whether or not they can pay the mortgage, send kids to school, healthcare , education .. dignity respect … i must say Joe is really quite earthy – a good way to sandpaper out Obama’s professorial air ….

Biden puts in his favourite line my father said “champ when you get knocked down .. you get up.”

Thats it folks .. it comes to close – 2 more debates ….  goodnight everybody