[Sent to us by S. Akbar Zaidi, this article by RAFAY MAHMOOD was first published in The News of Pakistan. We are reproducing the this brilliantly funny report of the complete absence of boundaries between different forms (sms, print, internet) and the eclectic urge to take and assemble, to crack jokes, to create poetry – all in the service of the joy of life.]

“Tum Bijli, Pani or Train ko Rote ho Faraz / Is Mulk Mae Tau Toofan Bhi Time Per Nahin Aata”… This message was circulated all over the city when cyclone Phet  proved to be an anti-climax for Karachiites by arriving late and then changing course before it hit the city’s coast. The brains behind this poetic gem is ‘Faraz’, who baptizes every new cell phone with one of his socially relevant yet romantic poetic masterpieces. He is a legend, the undisputed king created by messages being forwarded on cell phones.

The Short Messaging Service (SMS) plays a key role in our lives today and the SMS culture has not only redefined the identity of people like Faraz but has also spawned the creation of an SMS book industry.

“Roothe Dil  English Urdu SMS” (Volume 8 priced at Rs. 20) with a tragic picture of Ajay Devgan,  with a heart pierced by a candle and barbed wire surrounding it,  is just one example of this new genre. It is a small book full of poetry in Urdu and Roman and provides 80 pages of romance and tragedy that can easily fit individually into a single SMS space. A sample of its content: “Dil ke Zakhm Zuban per Laya Nahin Karte  / Apni Ankhon se Ansu Bahaya Nahi Karte /Zakhm Kitne hi Gehre Kyun na ho, Hum Honton sae Muskurahat Hataya Nahin Karte.”

This is just the beginning  of a book which offers a cheap form of entertainment for many,  near-devotional guidelines for unresolved love stories, but the bottom line is that this is the place from where  message are actually created and circulated all over the country. Be it the poetic archives of ‘Faraz’ or some random romantic poetry, this book has everything for the love sick. And surprisingly, teenaged girls are the biggest market for these books.

“These books just come and get sold in a day or two, and teenaged girls are their most avid consumers.  I don’t think it requires any further explanation,” Saqlain, a bookseller at the Gulshan-e-Iqbal old books market, told Kolachi. “SMS books have a very large market. I know many people who come here either to buy Sydney Sheldon-type bestsellers and those who buy these SMS books. And trust me, the number of buyers of SMS books is larger primarily because of their low cost and longer shelf life”.

For young men, however, what is more popular  are the even smaller SMS joke books which are priced at Rs 10 and are full of wisecracks that you can fit into a single message space. “Tumse Mila Mein Kal Toh Mere Dil Mae Hua ek Sound/ Aur Aaj Tum Kehti ho Your File is not Found”, or  “Roz Tere Pyar ka Email Mere Dil ko Lubhata hai / Per Beech Mein Tere Baap ka Virus Aa Jata Hai”…  these are just two of the few stirring verses of this comic entertainment. Shahrukh, a 15-year-old boy who has bought the ninth volume of the same book has a lot of fun waiting for the latest offerings . “I love these books. Once my father sleeps at night, I put my sim in his cell phone and message all my friends and we all share jokes,” Shahrukh told Kolachi. He added that “it is all about being the first one to forward new jokes and discuss them the next time we meet”.

But who is behind this growing SMS fever? Who is the chairman of the SMS Educational Board and who defines the curriculum of this diploma in messaging in which thousands have qualified?  There are many who lay claim to this title, but Imran Publisher is one of the names printed  behind all these Urdu Bazar cell phone gospels, be it “Aghaz-e-Mohabbat”, “Roothey Dil”, “Ghame Tanhaai” or “Yeh Lamhe Judai Ke.”

“I have so far released 42 volumes of this sort and there is no rocket science involved in writing these messages,” Imran Publisher confessed to Kolachi. ” All you need to do is go on the internet, find some romantic poetry in Roman Urdu and just print them in a cheap book.” He added that most of the content is lifted from the internet. He and his team just play around with some verses, compile them, dress them up in  a  cover full of Indian film stars, give them catchy, romantic titles. He said that “although the business has gone down a bit due to easy access to the internet and the increasing number of publishers in the market, the trick is to give readers something entertaining in Roman which can be adjusted in a single SMS space.”

It is not just  poetry and jokes that such books provide. They also give readers a very strange and unusual list of self-created abbreviations for economical messaging. Here are a few highlights: “AAM: As a matter of fact, IMNSHO: In my not so humble opinion, IOWAN2BWU: I only want to be with you.

Can people like Imran Publisher move on to become Pakistan’s answers to Steven Covey  and write  bestsellers like ‘More than Seven Habits of the Highly Addicted Cell Phone Messenger?’ That thought may be far-fetched, but Imran and his books have definitely found a big niche market in Pakistan. The new SMS culture has  given young people an alternative form of entertainment,  a pastime which has a ripple effect. You might find it cheap, you might find it very uncool and cheesy, you might hate all those who send you lame messages night and day but the bottom line is that we are all now a part of this  “cellulartainment” culture and these books are its essential coursework.