A letter to Kummanam-ji, but also to all Pujya/Poojya/Poo Hindutva fanatics from Kerala, in the wake of revolution in the prasad-giving practices in Haryana

Dear Kummanamji

This is to let you know how the events presently unfolding in Dharmakshetra- kurukshetra (or at least its vicinity) are making even me, a lapsed sudrathy from Kerala, more and more creative about convincing your masters in Delhi that Hindutva fanatics in Kerala are no less worthy of kind consideration than their own home-grown fanatics. Actually, is this not the time you should be making a splash? Alas, despite your earnest efforts, these days, the Kerala police (and even your arch-enemies in Kerala, though they seem to be a bit less enthusiastic  these days), take all the credit of minority-bashing and gender-criminalising. And the best you can do is go home to home telling Hindu women to cover up etc. and shout at Muslim groups doing the same, accusing them of nearly the same acts.

My ex-sudra blood boils perhaps when I notice how in the course of post-independence history, Kerala politicians in Delhi with the exception of a few of the likes of AK Gopalan, have performed mostly sudravritti especially after the 1980s even when they were in powerful posts (often clearing the shit your predecessors have made according to the instructions from above and to the extent to which they permit). Now is your chance, I think, to rise, or at least put your head above the ground.

I know that the season of Onam, dominated by Maveli and not Vamana, is really no good for you down here, and even the courts aren’t helping. An effort by your warriors to thwart a shrine to the goodly old man of Kerala fell flat in court. So why not proceed northward to the abhinava kurushetra-or-thereabout with an army of supporters? In fact, this RR Singh who your people are trying to justify and actually help, apparently has visited all the noted tourist places of Kerala and tried to buy up land to set up ashrams  etc here to bless gents and ladies in this part of the country? He even announced a concert in Kochi which godless Malayalis booed so vehemently (i.e. the announcement that is) on social media, so much so, that like Amit Shah (Amittu Shaji or Al… Shaji to the godless mallus), he too beat a hasty retreat? Actually, important people here may end up rooting for RR Singh in the battle around how-to-depict-Maveli correctly like our dear soft Hindutvavaadi Prayar Gopalakrishnan, if you only try. They don’t want a pot-bellied smiling, friendly and amiable Maveli, whose big moustache only makes him less intimidating an old man, but might be okay with a disgustingly macho, bling-y-gymmed-fair-skinned- long beard-and-locks-fellow for Maveli. But Malayalis are incorrigible. In one visit, DSS knocked down two people but Mallus forced them to take injured to hospital; the government did not provide high security! He dressed in white like Mata A. but even that did not lessen the bewilderment of people who came to stare at him mostly. And horror of horrors, the resort owners at Vythiri apparently locked up the Swamy and his followers, because he apparently did not want to stoop to things like paying for the stay! And anyway he would flop, the way his people took over the resort and forced even the locals to eat grass and hay, like we call vegetarian food in Kerala, pullum vaikkolum, clearly indicating that there are no cows – or Gopis – for this Krishna to herd around here. Even the police was visibly disgusted, report some godless reporters.

Nevertheless, we could make a second try by raising a militia for tomorrow and the revolution that might follow which will terrorise not just Muslims but everyone, including the stupid and self-satisfied upper caste elites of the Hindu heartland who are responsible for  feeding the monsters who in turn feed Indo-Gangetic barbarism. They need to be continuously kept underfoot, to shivering submission. I was inclined to think, first, that you would prefer to send your freshly-recruited dalit foot-soldiers who may not have realised what it means to join you. No, I then, I thought, you wouldn’t, because you need them here for slaughter. You and your arch-enemies, all of them, use them for slaughter, don’t you, to score points in the game of protectionist rackets that is passed off as politics these days? And surely, do not invite C K Janu. Janu may have joined you, but she is still majorly the product of Kerala’s politically-vibrant civil society  — while RR Singh and his supporters are precisely the exact opposite, a product of its absence. Her grace may actually embarrass you in the special circumstances prevailing in the sacred land.

So the first choice would perhaps be the ex-Sudras here, for (1) that is precisely their dharma, fighting and dying for their masters and performing whatever menial tasks ordered, and (2) poojya Golwalkarji once noted certain peculiarities of Kerala sudras who, according to him, are the results of a eugenics experiment performed by the astoundingly scientific shuddh brahmins of Kerala upon the rest of the population here. Now, even though I was born a sudrathy (now ex-), I would have both pulled off the beards and whacked the noses of anyone who pronounced such inanities, but apparently, there are many ex-sudras in your fold, and being in your fold, it means that they don’t mind. In other words, we are divided. So Golwalkarji would be interpreted not as pujya but poojya (a nullity, in Malayalam), or, I fear, by the younger generation as simply poo (the English word), even. Since there is an unbroken association between poo and sudravrithi in the brahmanical order – I mean, taking shit from the other varnas being their forte according to the order of Janmabhedam –  we may well depute Hindutvavaadi ex-sudra-born people (never mind the ex- … all is reversible according to BJP not just in Bihar, not only in politics) to the aforesaid militia.

And I really tend to distrust that section of ex-avarnas you tried to recruit because the ladies in their fold seem really suspicious. Let me convey to you a certain study of the micro-credit groups that their leaders have set up, which are apparently prayer groups singing songs to poor Sreenarayana Guru who must even be struggling in the other world to stay peaceful given these extreme provocations. These ladies all declared that they just loved this, and were grateful for the loans – but were equally firm that they would be part of the state-sponsored micro-credit network which is much cheaper. Overall, they give the impression of being canny and calculating ladies who like piety but also definitely like to keep their votes and piety separate for the most!

So maybe we should make the novel claim that all people in Kerala and TN are by default sudra because they literally live at the feet of Bharatmata and that the hindutvavadis among them should hurry up north to work as human shields of the descents of true-blue Aarshabharata people! We could bolster this by using research that shows that it is south India that holds up the north, like the the body is held up by the legs. There are studies which reveal that while Kerala gets just .25 rupee back for every rupee paid as tax by it to the Centre, and TN gets just .40, UP gets 1.75 ! But since the godless bunch here will reject this suggestion outright in their lack of sanskari sensibility, maybe let us just rely on the faithfully idiotic Hindutvavaadis here who are of course mostly with you.

But speaking of women, should we not consider whether women should be sent or not? The historical experience of brahmanism is that women should be continuously reminded of their place, or they will lapse being abalas in all senses. Shobha Surendran and Sasikala, along with the foul-mouthed and pea-brained ABVP women who fulminate on Facebook, should definitely be dispatched to the north immediately, so that they can catch a first-hand glimpse of how  true-blue Indo-Gangetic barbarians deal with their women. The many sadhvis raped by their Swami, also honorary pitaji according to many, did not complain, only the few did, as other accused-rapist swamis have pointed out. Clearly, raping by Swamis (and who knows, this may even be extended in the future, to lesser mortals, male leaders for example) is form of ‘active’ prasad-giving, not violence (alas, do you fools know how much blood is necessary to form that ounce of semen, that too pujya semen, according to brahmanical science! Aha, something implied long back by Golwalkarji, the godless bunch here will remark, but I will refrain from doing so, so that unnecessary implications are avoided). The sadhvis were obviously Hindu women, faithful and pious, and the BJP there is quite on the side of the rapist swami and not Hindu women devotees. So what does that mean? That pious and committed Hindu women like them are nothing but tools to be used whichever way?  That they are essentially prasad-receiving vessels for all their shouting? Being educated and free-riders on the struggle for women’s voices in Kerala,  the Hindutvavaadi women from here may need to be taught these timeless truths of brahmanism very soundly – they need to get used to the possibility of being prasad-vessels. Of course, we can always deny to the still-irreverent press that the court is biased and our swami does not engage in active prasad-giving, but between us, we must take note of the fact that such prasad-giving is not unjustifiable at all by the hierachies that brahmanical dharma prescribes (but we will have to persuade sadhvis to stop calling their swamis ‘pitaji’)- the high give prasad to the low, and gurujis and swamijis are parting with no less than their genetic material, aren’t they (I assume no condoms were used)?

Actually, with this move, you may win the affection of all sections of the Malayali population in this sweet season of Onam, though this will not translate into votes. The godless will be delighted that the Hindutva-spouting fellows have finally taken off to defend their holy men in holy land and at least some of them may, in the end, prefer Maveli to Vamana. We will surely be rid of the burden of Hindu women activists free riding on the gains of generations of Malayali feminists, who may hopefully even change their tune. The newly-recruited dalit families will heave a sigh of relief for their young men. Janu is anyway quite busy with other things and is not likely to mind even a bit that you did not invite. The only folk who may fall out with you are the actual male and female members of the Parasuramakshetra militia who might not like the heavy dose of their own medicine at all, and may the Lord himself save the darker-skinned ones in this force.

Still, we would have managed to catch the attention of your masters, and that indeed is your duty according to brahmanism — defer to your masters and superiors at all times, and not to your followers. You may indeed be elevated and transferred out of Bharatmata’s foot to Kuruksetra, to the delight of all — the pujya, poojya, poo (the English word, not Malayalam), and also the rest of us who just want to celebrate Onam in peace, and and who, from this distance, cannot help thinking that RR Singh is the gymmed brother of Baba Ramdev.


T V Meenakshikutty Amma (which would have been my name had I be forced to remain a sudrathy)




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