After the floods comes the pestilence. Even as the rest of us are focusing all our energies on making sure that epidemics and sheer psychological trauma aren’t going to bring our people devastated by floods to the brink of their endurance, here is a bizarre person, a certain P C George, MLA from Poonjar, Kerala, indulging in the worst kinds of patriarchal excess. At this time one would expect our elected representatives to be aiding and comforting people in their respective constituencies. Instead, we have this man spew unspeakable, stupid trash on the public. I do not want to reproduce it here; you can read for yourself.  I’d rather try to think of how we may deal collectively with those of his ilk.

1. Spit, don’t talk : This is a variation on what is probably the first suggestion, or the most common one, we will be given: stay calm. The idea is to gather one’s thoughts and energy before one responds. And when you don’t respond in the same coin, the other will also calm down to hear what you say. But MCP has no intention of listening to you; indeed, his verbal diarrhea has exactly the opposite intention, that is, to silence. Spitting used to be a common way in which women responded to rotters of this ilk in Kerala. Next time MCP befouls the air, and the airwaves, gift him what our grandmothers called the Aattal, or the Grand Spit. You actually do not spit when you aatt someone, you produce something close, but what emerges is an enormously contemptuous spitting-sound.
2.  Do not ignore: That’s what the authorities have all been doing. Women who be insulted barbarically – like the Women in Cinema Collective — have complained against him to the Speaker of the Kerala State Legislative Assembly even, but the cad continues to thrive. Oh yeah, if he’s fattening on publicity, let’s immortalize him!! For example, by making sure he is remembered forever in the history of Malayali feminism. By translating the famous coinage ‘Male Chauvinist Pig’ in a way that relevant locally, now, as I  have done. Our great-grand daughters will be curious: we will tell them,  M C Piorge refers to the smelliest poo that came out of the ass of that brutish thing, Malayali patriarchy. The additional gain here would be that we stop heaping undeserved blame on poor animals. Pigs do not deserve such a bad name, do they? Save the pig!
3. Laugh, laugh, laugh:  Creeps say such things because they love to see the pain it causes. Do not give them that pleasure. Malayali women have indeed been laughing at him — for example, Aysha Mahmood through her tape-up-that-foul-mouth campaign. And we could also (a) find out in advance where he is due to speak and distribute free air fresheners in all those places, (b) send a whole bunch of Hit-cockroach-and-mosquito sprayers to be used in the Kerala Legislative Assembly, a place where he frequents, (c) declare his constituency to be a toxic hotpot, worse than the ‘industrial hub’ of Kerala, Eloor. Maybe we can organize a contest around this too? Maybe a mimicry contest?
4.  Demand Accountability from those Who Feed Him: The MCP  is a new breed of politician — a ‘mercenary politician’ who seems to know how to keep all forces in the political field in line.  They serve  the most dubious public figures in Kerala, like the actor Dileep, accused of orchestrating the kidnapping and assault of the female actor; he has also publicly supported the Congress leader P J Kurien, claiming that the survivor of the Suryanelli serial rape case was a liar. Given his egregious views on women, it is hardly surprising that he supported them. However, the MCP may also support better people .For example, VS Achuthanandan, and the dalit Buddhist movement, the DHRM.   We must demand accountability of these individuals and organizations that are on the side of democratic politics. They need to tell us exactly where they stand on this. For it is on account of them that the MCP  manage to look like a maverick or enfant terrible hitherto, instead of what he is actually, King Vulgarian. I have written to Seleena Prakkanam, leader of the DHRM, demanding action and clarification.
5. Write Letters, Not to Him, But His Loved Ones:  Women saddled with abusive male family members often receive the advice to write to them instead of trying to speak, as that helps them avoid a power-ridden setting conversations take place in patriarchal set-ups.  Now, most MCPs, especially the present one, the infamous P C George, for example, has family — sons and a wife. Maybe we should spare the women in the family for fear that they may be (as is usually the case) made to testify for the lily-white character of the MCP. Instead, we must write open letters, email letters, postal letters, individual letters, mass letters, chain letters, whatever, to these  men. Perhaps they are better than their sire. And maybe they ought to be concerned about his  sanity a little more. Which sane fellow would try  to cover up the misdemeanours of the Catholic Church by calling  a nun a prostitute?
6. Give his Constituency a Piece of Our Mind: MCPs are let loose on us by various public organizations : for example, the media, political parties, caste/community organizations, religious organizations. We should give them a piece of our mind. In the present case, the MCP has been unleashed on an unsuspecting Malayali public by an Legislative Assembly Constituency.  It is his status as an MLA that makes him all the more brazen. We should collect the address of every single voter there and send them messages asking: WHAT DID WE DO TO YOU THAT YOU HAVE LET LOOSE ON US THIS PESTILENCE?
7. Cut off  Oxygen to His Bloated Ego : Give public notice to all major newspapers, publications, and TV channels, that unless they stop carrying his photos, running his smelly blather, and discussing his poo, we will stop patronizing them and will actively bring down their ratings.  Force women’s magazines that  keep talking about fitness, fashion, and home-styles to publish editorials condemning the hubris and refuse to give him space.
8.  Turn him into a product: Make products that will remind us everyday that the MCP needs to be taught a lesson. I suggest MCP doormats, punching bags, toilet paper, dishwash pads.  In other words, turn him into products that take the shit, different kinds of shit.
9. Find Friends : Again, a common bit of advice received by women who have had to deal with abusive male relatives. Well, the nun in question has lots of them, and all of us Malayali women should put our differences aside and start dealing with all MCPs, all the louts of the present and future.
10. Cut off his nose:   No, no, I disagree. True, this is precisely what the reigning MCP has challenged the Women’s Commission to do if he did not respond to their summons. Some women may actually decide to do that, but  that’s not how women ought to deal with foul-mouthed scoundrels. And even if these women are adamant, that won’t happen without a thorough discussion. If only because there will be a great deal of disagreement about what to chop off. Chopping noses is passe. It was done of course to a woman in the Ramayana, Surpanakha, who many of us consider to be our ancestress. We don’t deal in cheap revenge even if the offending oaf has ample breasts and a nose on his face. We’d probably be disagreeing over whether to chop of the foul tongue, or that object which hangs between the legs. Not that I agree with any of this, just saying — on a man’s body, the nose isn’t the only thing that could get chopped off.